


Don't let go

by TerusSpicyLasange



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst, Childhood Memories, Drunkenness, M/M, Underage Smoking, but he comes to his senses, jons a real asshole, martin just needs a FRIEND, oopsies!, same canon after the end of the fic, which acc makes the ending of the fic more sad than i intended it to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25392010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerusSpicyLasange/pseuds/TerusSpicyLasange
Summary: Jon and Martin were best friends as children, but then Jon let go.-------Jon and Martin's friendship from inseparable children, to drifting teenagers, to distant young adults, to uneasy co-workers, to reunited friends.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	Don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> as always most of this was written in one sitting  
> CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!  
> honestly would have written more into season 3/4 but i thought the ending was good enough as it was  
> maybe ill write more?? who knows!!

1998

"Bye nan!" Jon called back into the house, securing his bag on his back.  
"Where are you off to now?" His grandmother called from somewhere upstairs.  
"Me and Martin are going to the woods." He replied, his hand anxiously hovering over the handle of the front door.  
"Alright love, just remember to be back when it gets dark!" She called back. As if it was his cue, he threw the door open, yelling another quick goodbye to his nan and shutting the door behind him. He picked up his bike from where he left it last night in the garden and raced down the road to Martin's house.

While most people would knock at the front door for their friends, Jon always went around to the back garden. The back door was always open this time of year to keep the house cooler for Martin's mum. Jon opened the garden gate and dropped his bike in the grass. He shut the gate after him, as his nan had taught him, and strolled into the kitchen as if it were his own house.

"Good morning Jon," Martin's mother greeted him from the kitchen table. "You just missed out on breakfast, I'm afraid. Martin's just upstairs getting ready." She smiled weakly.  
"It's ok, I had breakfast at home. Do you need help with anything before we go?" He asked. Martin's mum leaned back in her chair a bit.  
"No, it's alright. Martin's granny is coming up to help around the house." She said. Just as she finished speaking, Martin came into the kitchen, rolling in his bike from the hall.

The two left quickly, eager to get to their base. It was a 25 minute bike ride to the forest. Jon's nan always told him to go through the housing estates to get to the woods, but it took longer and the main road was never really that busy anyways. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her.  
Today, they shared the bike ride in silence. It was just barely nine in the morning, they'd agreed the night before to get up extra early. Usually, Martin was only allowed out for two or three hours a day since he had to be home to help him mum. Today was special though, and Martin was allowed to stay out from morning until evening, just for today. They watched as the world seemed to stutter awake on this warm Sunday morning.

Their base wasn't really a base, but more of a spot they liked and decided was theirs. It was a large clearing deep into the woods, canopied by ancient trees and carpeted by long dead leaves. In the center of the clearing was a huge tree stump. Sometimes it was a seat, other times it was a stage and on the warmer days it'd become a bed, big enough for the two boys to sleep either end comfortably. A small spring ran not too far from the clearing, making it easy to have impromptu water fights right at the peak of the summer weather.

Once they arrived to their base, they put their bikes on the ground and sat on either end of the tree stump, legs crossed. Jon took off his bag, zipping it open and quickly organizing everything into place in his hands, still hidden in the main pocket of the bag.  
"Jon, what did I say-" Martin began, but was stopped my Jon.  
"I know you said you didn't want anything, but it's your birthday and I don't want you missing out on it!" He said, still shuffling everything into place. Martin didn't reply as he watched Jon finally get everything into his hands and pull the gifts out, lying them on the stump and pushing them to Martin.

On the top of the pile was a handmade birthday card with a crudely drawn picture of Martin riding a huge fire-breathing dragon, specifically Poison Fang, Martin's imaginary pet dragon. The top of the card said "HAPPPY 11TH BRITHDAY!!!" written in bright marker. "I probably should have done it in pencil first," Jon commented. "I did an extra p by accident."  
Martin just giggled in response, opening the card to read the message inside.

"to: Martin

Happy 11th birthday! Maybe poison fang will stop being invisible this year. your my best friend and i hope you have a really good day

From: jon"

Martin smiled, closing the card and putting it aside while thanking Jon. The next item on the pile was a Harry Potter book. Martin beamed when he saw it. "How did you know I wanted to read this?!" He said, instantly flipping the pages like a flip-book, relishing in the feeling of having the novel in his hands.  
Jon smiled shyly. "I remember you asked Emma to borrow her copy but she said no. Nan was getting me books in the charity shop last week and I saw it on the shelf so I just gave it to the cashier when she wasn't looking." He explained. He didn't really understand why, but he really liked knowing that he was the reason Martin was smiling so widely.

The final item on the pile was a VHS tape of Disney's Hercules. It was the first film either boy had seen without a relative and they just so happened to have gone to the film with each other. Martin looked up at Jon, who seemed almost nervous to see Martin's reaction. "I know it's not a lot and that you really wanted pokemon blue but I didn't have enough money and nan wouldn't buy it." He said, avoiding eye contact.  
"Jon, what are you talking about?" Martin smiled. "You got me Harry Potter AND Hercules! And I love the drawing of me and Poison Fang so much, his scales look so cool!"

Jon smiled and the two sat in silence for a short moment. Jon reached back into his bag again. "Oh, I almost forgot!" He said, pulling out two orange bottles and handing one to Martin who looked at the drink, starstruck.  
"You even got me lucozade?!" He said a bit louder than he meant to, Jon laughing at his excitement.  
"Yeah! I know your mum doesn't let you have it so I got some before I went home yesterday!" He said as they both screwed the caps off and drank the sugary drink.

They stayed in their base, running around and pretending to have epic battles fueled by lucozade and a small box of cupcakes Jon had also bought alongside the drinks, keeping them a secret until they both got hungry. After their cakes, Martin read the first two chapters of Harry Potter while Jon tried to climb one of the ancient trees to see if there were any elves living near the top. From time to time, Martin would call out the spelling of words he didn't understand and Jon would call back with his best guess at a pronunciation (When the films based on the books released, Martin would tease Jon for thinking Hermione was pronounced hermy-own) When Martin grew tired of reading in the dead heat and Jon couldn't reach the next branch, the sat under one of the trees and planned a huge sleepover in Jon's house. They'd stay in the sitting room, watch Hercules and stay up all night. Martin knew they'd both be asleep before 1 AM but to him that was already extremely late, so he didn't mind.

Once the sun started to set, the two packed their things away and bid their base farewell until the next day. While they peddled as fast as they could to get to the base, they purposely walked as slow as possible, pushing their bikes alongside them.

"Your mum seemed a bit better today." Jon said quietly. Martin sighed at the mention of his mum.  
"I think she was just happy to not have to deal with me." He said with a frown. "I don't think she likes me."  
Jon was taken aback by the statement. "But she's your mum! She has to like you!" he said, not able to comprehend a mother not liking her son.  
"But she doesn't do stuff that a mum usually does. We don't really talk and she doesn't spend time with me or anything. When we finish dinner she has me go to bed, she doesn't even like talking to me in the day. Granny says it's just because she's not well, but she still talks to granny all the time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong." Martin stopped walking and let his bike fall, bringing his hands to his face. Jon completely forgot about his bike, letting it hit the ground as he went back to Martin.  
"Please don't cry." Jon said quietly. "It's just because she's sick. She'll get better! And maybe your dad will come back from Germany soon, he can't work there forever!" He said, scraping for any kind of hope to be seen from the situation.  
"My dad's not coming back!" Martin yelled through tears, crying harder now. Jon didn't know what to say. All he could think of doing in the moment was wrapping his arms around Martin until his breathing eventually steadied and the crying stopped.

They walked the rest of the way back in silence. Jon made sure to walk Martin right to his door, not wanting him to be upset if he can help it. Before Jon left, Martin pulled him in for another hug, thanking him for his amazing birthday (despite the crying at the end) Jon brushed it off, saying "That's what best friends are for." before getting on his bike and getting home just as the streetlights turned on.  


* * *

2004  
They hadn't seen each other for a while. Martin had asked to come over, just for an hour, earlier that day. It was weird being alone with him again. He stared as Jon lit a cigarette, blowing the smoke out of his open window. The chill ran right through them, the last bits of Winter clinging onto the wind. Martin studied Jon's hand, the way he held the cigarette and how effortlessly he blew the smoke out.  
"Is it alright if I have one?" Martin asked, nervously. Jon looked at him, confused for a moment.  
"A cigarette?" He asked, not believing that that was what Martin was referring to. When he nodded his head, Jon tossed the pack of smokes and a lighter towards him. Martin took the smoke and lit it cautiously, standing to join Jon at the window.

Jon watched as Martin took a drag, expecting him to choke and cough but to his surprise, he got through the first drag with relative ease. Martin looked back at him quizzingly, before realizing why Jon was so surprised.  
"Oh, I've been stealing smokes off my mum since I was 14." Martin clarified. Jon could only reply with a soft "oh," before adding "I never imagined you to be a smoker."  
"Vice versa." Martin replied, emotionless.

The two stood at the window, blowing smoke into the freezing night air until all they could do was see who could throw the butts the furthest. Jon won and tried to playfully rub it in Martin's face, but he got no reaction. Martin sat on the edge of Jon's bed and Jon closed the window before sitting on his desk chair. His bedroom was so small that even though they were sitting on opposite sides of the room, their knees were just a few inches short of touching.

"Is everything alright?" Jon asked softly. Martin thought for a moment before sighing heavily.  
"You're gonna find out eventually and I wanted you to hear from me, so... I'm not going back to school next year."  
Jon stared at Martin for a moment, dumbfounded. "What?" He asked. "Why?"  
"Mum's not getting any better and if she goes into a home then we lose the house and I'm left homeless." He said as if he'd rehearsed the explanation over and over in his head.  
"Martin, I'm... I'm really sorry." was all Jon could muster. "I didn't think she was getting that bad." He said.  
Martin's face scrunched up in into an unpleasant expression. "She's been getting bad for a while, Jon." He said quietly, Jon's insides turning uncomfortably at the remark. He hadn't been spending nearly as much time with Martin as he did in their childhood.  
"I'm sorry for not being around as much." Jon choked back in response.  
"Oh come on, don't start," Martin laughed. "I know you're not sorry. You'd rather hang around all the future Oxford kids than the drop out who lives in the council house." He spoke with a smile but Jon knew the words had been swimming around in Martin's head for a while.

"You know that's not it!" Jon said, looking away from his feet to reach Martin's eyes. "We drifted, that's hardly my fault! It happens Martin, it's just something you have to deal with."  
Martin scoffed, "Easy for you to say. You're smart, you're one of the Oxford kids. All you 'academics' stick together. Who wants to hang around the quiet fat kid with no social life?" Jon wanted to argue back but the voices of his friends rang in his head. "You were able to go to all your new friends without a worry. I got left behind. It hurts, you know. Being dropped like that. And you know whats even worse? I watched it happen! I knew what was going on, but I trusted you! I used to tell myself, 'he's allowed to have different friends, it doesn't mean he doesn't like me anymore.' but I was wrong, wasn't I? The minute you saw a better offer you were gone." Martin said starkly.  
"People come and go, Martin! We were only friends because we lived close to each other and we were the same age, that was literally it!" Jon said, trying to convince himself that Martin was just overreacting.  
Martin sighed a heavy, tired sigh. "Bit strange how people keep going and no one keeps coming for me then, isn't it?" He croaked, a sign that Jon knew well that meant Martin was about to cry. "Bye, Jon." Martin said, standing up and leaving Jon alone in his bedroom.

Once he heard the front door close softly, Jon stood up and punched the wall nearest to him. It did more damage to his hand than it did the wall, but it got some of the anger out of him. How dare Martin talk to him like that! Make him out to be some prick who abandons people! It's Martin who never goes out and keeps to himself all the time. His friends would like him if he just tried for once! It didn't even matter anymore. He had better friends than Martin. He didn't need Martin. Just as well he's dropping out. Out of sight, out of mind.  


* * *

2008  
Jon stood onto the small lifted platform the bar had called a 'stage.' Him and his band had somehow gotten a gig all the way back in Bournemouth. It was 2 hours from Oxford and Georgie had to help bring down half of the equipment needed for the show in her car, but at least his nan lived close enough for him and Georgie to stay the night. He introduced his character, along with all his other bandmates and began to play their set, narrating the story as it went on. 

About a third through the show, Jon gave a quick glance at the bar, just to see if any of his old school friends just so happened to be there. He noticed Georgie sitting on one of the stools and talking to someone. A tall, ginger man. Jon almost lost his place in the song when he realized that Georgie was talking to _Martin._ Why was Martin even there? He was facing the stage but he was looking at Georgie, thank god, so he didn't make any eye contact. For some reason, seeing Martin filled him with so much anger and hatred and _regret_ that he performed with all the energy he could muster, as if to show Martin 'I'm living a better live than you, I'm having more fun than you will ever have, that shows you for not being my friend anymore.' The show was a huge success, the crowd loved it and he managed to forget he even saw Martin once he got into the gist of the story.

When the show ended, Jon went back to the storage room that'd been called a dressing room and quickly scrubbed off his makeup and changed back into his normal clothes. Georgie ran into the room as he was cleaning his face, looking as if she had something great to tell Jon, which Jon already knew.

Before she could even say a word, he said "Yes, I know, you spoke to Martin. I saw you at the bar with him."  
Georgie's face dropped when she heard it. "Damn." She muttered under her breath. "How come you never told me about him? He seems nice." She said, plopping down on the grimy sofa, half covered in kegs of lager.  
"I haven't spoken to him in years, I doubt I really even know him anymore." Jon sighed. scrubbing his forehead with a now black makeup wipe.  
"Well then, that's why I'm here! I've done a little catching up for you!" She smiled, eager to update Jon on Martin's life.  
"Fine then, tell me, only because I know you won't let me say no." He grunted.  
"OKAY!" She beamed. "So - His mum, she's been sick since you were a kid, right? Well she's going into a care home, he just got a new job at some archiving-institute place in London, he's interested in writing poetry and he's moving to London next week!" She said, expecting Jon to be amazed at the news, but he stayed indifferent.

"I'm kind of surprised he got a job at an archive, but he could just be a cleaner for all I know. Thanks for the updates, Georgie, but I don't think I missed out on much." He said in the kindest voice he could. Georgie seemed a bit defeated, but she let Jon drop the subject, figuring that he just wasn't interested.  


* * *

2015  
"And here are your archival assistants," Elias said, leading Jon to the small shared office. "Martin, Tim, Sasha, this is Jon, the new Head Archivist."  
Jon scanned over their faces. Sasha seemed nice, he could already tell that Tim was going to get on his nerves and... What else did he even expect.  
"Tim. Sasha." He said politely, shaking their hands. " _Martin._ " He said, a little bit more strained. Martin pulled a painfully fake smile at the greeting. This was going to be tough.

As Jon left the office, Tim and Sasha looked at each other and then to Martin.  
"What was all that about?" Tim asked hesitantly.  
"Ugh, it's nothing, just... An old friend, I guess?" Martin sighed, wanting to just get back to work and pretend that Gertrude was still alive. He looked to Tim and Sasha, who were both smiling at him, begging to know more. All three assistants stared at each other until Martin finally gave in. "Fine, fine. We've known each other since we were kids, we were really close and then in secondary school we drifted. We're not on the best terms. That's all." He said. When Tim and Sasha inevitably started bombarding him with questions, he ignored them both until they eventually stopped, openly discussing possibilities of what happened between them.

A few weeks into the new job, Jon was finally forced to face Martin. He was in his office, reading over a file when Martin knocked and walked in.  
"Follow up on the rabid dog." Martin said, carelessly throwing the file onto Jon's already messy desk. "It was definitely just a rabid dog." He said in a deadpan attempt to make a joke.  
"Wh- You can't just throw files onto my desk like that! I have a system going on!" He yelled, standing up to look over his laptop and try to find the rogue file. Martin stared at him with a look that just said 'seriously?' Jon felt his face flush at the expression, but pushed his embarrassment down and felt spite replacing it.  
"Look, I'm head archivist, I know what I'm doing." He said, watching Martin scowl.  
"Yeah, sure you do." Martin said sourly.  
"As if you're even barely qualified to be here." Jon remarked under his breath.

Martin squinted his eyes at Jon. "Did you go through my employment files?" He asked, shocked.  
"I needed to know what my staff were qualified in. Parapsychology? _Really,_ Martin? You were 21 when you started working here, how did you get away with that?" Jon smiled, delighting in seeing Martin's face go beet red.  
"Ask Elias! He's the one who hired me!" Martin yelled a bit louder than he meant to, instantly recoiling when he realized what he'd just said.  
"Maybe I will! I'm sure he'd be damn pleased to hear about it!" Jon said, walking past Martin and heading to the door.  
"Wait, no, Jon, please," Martin spoke quickly, grabbing the sleeve on his shirt to stop him. "I can't afford to lose this job, Jon. Mum's gone into a private home, I'm paying for her, she needs the help." He said, that horrid croak setting in.

Jon was taken aback by the sudden vulnerability, how quick Martin was to show it and how horribly normal it felt for him to be this way with him. Jon looked at Martin, studying his face for a brief moment. He had bags under his eyes, he's always had them but they were much darker than before. He hadn't shaved for a few days, the very beginnings of a beard starting to show. Jon blinked, coming back to the situation. "Oh. I-I'm sorry, Martin. No, no it's fine. Elias doesn't have to know." He said quietly, unsure of where they now stood in this moment. Martin let out a quick sigh - he sighed a lot these days, seemingly.  
"Thanks." He muttered before awkwardly leaving. 

* * *

2016  
It was a crisp April evening and Jon, Tim, Martin and Sasha decided to go out for drinks. Jon hadn't wanted to go in the first place, but Tim insisted and Sasha promised she'd buy the first round. They'd stayed until the pub shut at about 2AM, all four happily drunk enough to stumble a bit on the London streets, but not drunk enough to actually fall over, apart from Martin, who'd fallen while trying to go to the bathroom just before they left. Tim and Sasha had tried to get more information about Martin and Jon's past throughout the night, but to no avail. As they stood outside the pub, preparing to go to the nearest tube station, Martin made a horrid discovery.

"Hey, guys," Martin started, "Is there any chance I could stay in one of yours tonight? I kind of forgot my keys at the institute..." He slurred.  
Tim and Sasha looked at each other. "Houseshare, no spare bed." Tim said quickly.  
"Landlord doesn't allow guests." Sasha followed.  
"Oh Sasha, look!" Tim said, pointing over to the end of the road. "There's a taxi! You live close to me, let's get it back home!" He smiled.  
"Yes, let's!" Sasha said, the two quickly saying their goodbyes and running up to catch the taxi, Tim shooting a shit eating grin at Jon.

"Bastards! The both of you!" Jon yelled after them. He looked up at Martin, who was looking back at Jon and swaying ever so slightly. "Well Martin, I can't help you! I've only the one bed!" He said.  
Martin fumbled with his hands a bit. "I could sleep on your couch?" He giggled.  
Jon let out a small 'tch' before grabbing Martin's hand, leading the swaying man to the tube station.

Half an hour later, they were at Jon's tiny one bed apartment. Martin struggled to get himself from the door to the couch, the floor littered with stray clothes and scattered files. He plopped down on the sofa as Jon went into the tiny kitchen. Martin could hear the tap run and the opening and closing of cupboard doors.

"Here." Jon said, handing Martin a glass of water and two panadol. He had the same for himself and sat down beside Martin, the two taking the painkillers in hope of their hangovers being manageable in the morning. 

They both sat in silence for a long moment before Martin gave out a small laugh. "'Member that time I stayed in yours and we watched Hercules?" He asked, looking down at Jon, who nodded in response. Martin could barely get through the next sentence without laughing. "Remember when you got that bowl of crisps and you fell bringing it into the sitting room?" He smiled widely, Jon starting to laugh at the memory. "It was like you were falling down a pit! I never heard anyone scream so loud!" He broke down laughing, as did Jon.

When they both came down from their laughing fit, Jon leaned onto Martin's shoulder. He thought long and hard about what he was going to say.  
"I'm sorry, Martin. For abandoning you." He said softly. Martin stayed still for a moment before wrapping his arm around Jon and leaning his own head on top of Jon's.  
"I forgive you," he smiled. "We were just dumb kids."  
Jon turned his head to Martin's shoulder, as if to hide. "But you needed me and I left you. It wasn't fair." Jon said, tears brimming at his eyes.  
"No, it wasn't." Martin said softly, rubbing his hand up and down Jon's forearm. "But it's okay now. I forgive you. Besides, I would have had to drop out of school anyways. We would have drifted regardless." The two sat in silence, the only sound coming from the inevitable sniffles and a drunk and slightly emotional Jon. 

"I'm just glad to have you back." Martin said softly. Jon suddenly moved himself so he was properly hugging Martin, his head buried in his chest. Martin hugged him tightly back.

After another 10 minutes of silence, Martin came to realize that Jon had fallen asleep in his arms. He awkwardly held Jon as he repositioned the both of them so that they were properly lying on the sofa. When Martin had successfully moved them, Jon moved in his sleep, holding onto Martin tighter as if to be sure he was still there. Martin held Jon just as tight, knowing that Jon wouldn't let go.


End file.
